Across the Distance
by LostInWho
Summary: Set during the end of Doomsday. As Rose and the Doctor struggle through their loss and pain, the Doctor realizes just how much he sacrificed by holding himself back, and Rose faces something beyond her control.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note: This is my first try at a multi-chapter story, probably three or four parts. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! :) Of course, I own nothing._**

* * *

_Rose awoke with a start, the breath leaving her lungs with a whoosh. She had been dreaming, if you could call it that - the same nightmare of a white room and falling, always falling. But it was not a normal dream of falling to one's death, waking just before impact. She'd almost welcome that. No, her falling was more a pulling, being pulled into _nothing_, viciously ripped away from the man she loved. And though she hadn't died, a vital part of her had. The part of her that had only come alive during their time together. All gone in a few fateful seconds. Her heart trembled, remembering. Desperation and terror and need. The worst part, though, was witnessing the devastation and heartbreak on his beautiful face, mirroring her own as they reached out to each other. However this time, as she stood facing that cursed, blank wall, in the midst of the renewed loss that gripped her heart like a vice, she heard him calling her name, cutting through her dream. It had a clarity and tenderness that her memories could never quite capture. "Rose."_

_Lost for a moment in wonder and confusion, reveling in the joy of just hearing him again, she forgot. Forgot for one glorious moment about her traitorous body. Desperate to share this unexpected and probably impossible hope with someone, she leapt from her bed, and promptly collapsed to the floor._

* * *

The Doctor dashed frantically around the console, checking the monitor and making minute adjustments. He felt a bit like he had as a young Time Lord, dashing madly about the universe on what Rose would probably have called a "scavenger hunt," he thought fondly, recalled to the moment as a quiet sob escaped his throat. There was no gleeful excitement or adventure in this race, though. This was pure desperation and quickly fading hope. The universe was closing itself off, healing, as it should - as he should want it to, he reminded himself. Yet here he was, the last Time Lord, chasing down time, searching frantically for one small gap. Just big enough to slip through and back again. Just big enough to claim what was _his_, what had been torn from him ruthlessly, too soon. She had promised him forever. Could the universe truly be so cruel, as to keep from him the source of all his joy, nay, his sanity? Was that asking too much? He really should have known the answer by now.

* * *

So that was it, then. He had found it, the last remaining gap between the universes, but it was too small. He couldn't get her back. Even as his hearts broke with the finality of it, the Doctor called out to her across the impossible distance that separated them, the effort exhausting him telepathically and physically. All for just the chance that, if it managed to reach her, her mind would accept his message. That she would trust a voice in her head (which would be strange for her to begin with) enough to follow it to wherever it might lead her in Pete's world. Hoping that the (relatively) inconsequential sun he planned to burn up would be enough to power the projection and not hurt anyone else in the process. He said not anyone else - because it would definitely hurt him. And her. So much trust and hope... just to say goodbye. Just so that their last memory of each other wasn't _that_ one. Terror, grief, powerlessness, anguish... He recalled the look of fear and heartbreak on her face, the way his hearts and mind had screamed out within him in fury and despair, and his mind was decided. Usually the Doctor detested goodbyes, avoided them at all costs. _But that would not be theirs._

He wished so desperately that he could do more. Losing her this way, so much sooner than even he'd expected, even though it confirmed his fears of losing her, revealed to him just how much he had sacrificed to protect himself. And it hadn't worked. All those walls, walls that _he_ had built between them, still hadn't saved his hearts. The irony wasn't lost on him. The consuming pain and loss he felt now... had he really believed that holding himself back would somehow have made this less? _Coward_, he chastised himself. _Three hearts are broken, and instead of memories of love to carry with you forever, you are left only with regret._ He leaned against the console, weary and bereft.

The TARDIS hummed plaintively under his hands, the song new and yet vaguely familiar, lamenting their loss. He knew that the TARDIS missed Rose and... _loved_ her almost as much as he did. The beautiful, pleading melody shook him, echoing the ache in his soul. He placed his hand lovingly against the time rotor, offering her the comfort of his touch as well as his mind. Her grief seemed to amplify his own, though he felt the faintest undercurrent of something he no longer had... was it hope? His hearts clenched, and he shook his head. _Oh, how I wish... but you know there's no hope, old girl,_ he thought. _You know I would do anything to get her back to us... but it's impossible._ He dropped his hand and turned away. He had to be strong now, even if he didn't feel it, wasn't even sure he could survive this. This was his last chance to see her, his Rose, to say the things that even now, especially now, he wasn't sure he could.

At least he could say goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's note: So this follows the events at the end of Doomsday, but with a significant twist. Please review - I would love to hear what you think.**_

* * *

Rose slowly pushed herself up from the cool floor, struggling not to cry out in her anger and frustration. She hugged her knees to her chest, leaning gratefully back against her bed. Her head was throbbing, screaming at her uncooperative body that, against her will and best efforts, seemed to be succumbing to this... whatever this was.

She let her head flop back against the comforter, breathing deeply. She had to calm down. The familiar tingling fire that always followed these "attacks" coursed through her veins, and Rose fought off her feelings of powerlessness and fear. She would not let this control her.

She couldn't say exactly when it had started. In the beginning - well, it had really felt more like the end, but, well, anyway - in the beginning of her life _here_, she had been so consumed by pain and loss and the sudden emptiness of life without the Doctor that she hardly noticed much at all. She had holed herself up in a room at Pete's mansion, shocked and heartbroken, trying to come to grips with the sudden, harsh reality of their separation and of the life (and love) that was lost to her. Her heart ached, physically ached in a way that she hadn't known was possible. She sprawled out on the bed, wandered about the room, stood on the balcony looking up at the stars that weren't _theirs_, tears falling constantly, often quietly, down her cheeks.

Eventually, though, Rose's fortitude and determination broke through her haze of grief, allowing her to struggle forward. She was a fighter, even before her time with the Doctor. Life would not trample her. The Doctor had recognized that spirit within her; he had believed in her and had helped her believe in herself. Even broken-hearted and out-of-place, Rose would not just sit idly by when she could go out there and live and make a difference.

On her own, she quietly began studying for her A-levels and working her way through Pete's library, though she knew that, unlike the TARDIS, at some point she would run out of books to read. More recently (and somewhat cautiously) she had begun working at Torchwood. She worked mostly as a "consultant," dropping by different areas as she was needed, offering up what help and knowledge of alien life she had gained during her travels with the Doctor. She wasn't ready for anything more yet, though Pete hoped that eventually she would consider training to be a field agent like Jake and Mickey. _Too soon_, she thought. _Too similar to what she'd had, and yet nothing like it at all. Maybe one day._ And she knew that Jackie had her back, at least. A small, sad smile crossed her face, knowing that while her mum hated to see her suffering, a small part of her rejoiced that Rose was here with her.

Yet now, having found a direction and summoned her courage, Rose faced something that she couldn't control, that was coming from within her, and it was driving her spare. Her body seemed to be giving out on her for no reason at all. Initially she had thought, and her mum had agreed, that the weakness was probably just the aftershocks of nearly dying, the grief of being separated from her Doctor and stuck in a universe that wasn't hers.

Almost inevitably, Jackie had fallen in love (again), and then had come the joyous discovery of the pregnancy. Rose was thrilled for her mother and looked forward to the spot of joy the future offered, the chance to be a big sister. With all of the welcome distraction, it had ended up being Mickey who had first really noticed and questioned what was happening to Rose.

* * *

They were walking out of Torchwood together, talking about his most recent mission. Mickey had stepped right back into her life, almost like he sensed how much she needed him now. From the very start, he had made almost daily visits to the mansion, often just coming in and holding her, letting her tears soak his shirt. They had been best mates for so long, and though she didn't deserve the return of his friendship after the way she'd treated him, she clung to it gratefully.

As they were walking to his car (he insisted upon driving her home whenever they worked the same shift), a strong wave of fatigue crashed over her suddenly, and she stumbled. Mickey caught her under the elbow, flashing her a look of concern. Struggling to maintain her balance as her legs trembled beneath her, she forced out a chuckle. "Long day, huh? Must be more tired than I thought."

Mickey stopped abruptly, pulling her up short beside him and turning her to face him. "What's up, Rose? Somethin's going on with you, and I'm not havin' you pulling that 'I'm always alright bit,' either, because I know exactly what that means. Now spill."

Startled a bit by his directness, Rose took a deep breath and met his gaze, only to come undone by the love and concern she saw there. "I really don't know, Micks, and that's what frightens me. It's not... I really am trying to move on, you know I am." He nodded, encouraging her to continue. "I can't stop hoping, but I'm not gonna just sit around and wait. But sometimes," she paused, swallowing down that niggling panic that she tried so hard to ignore, "it's crazy; it's like my body just _shuts down_. Like I'm losing control somehow, and I don't know why." Saying it aloud, admitting it like this, made it suddenly seem so real that her voice trembled. "I get weak all over, and my head starts pounding, and then this... _burning_, I guess, I don't know how to describe it... runs through me. At first I didn't think much of it, kinda annoying and weird, but it's getting worse." She looked up and saw worry etched across his face. "I'm just so frustrated and confused and scared... I feel like I'm losing my mind, Mickey."

She looked at him pleadingly, desperately hoping that he wouldn't think she was crazy. She watched as his look of worry was replaced by one of reassurance and kindness, and she was once again amazed at the man that stood before her - still her Mickey, her best friend, but now much more serious and confident and selfless. "I believe you, Rose, and whatever this is, we'll beat it," he said, leaning in and hugging her, then punching her lightly on the arm. "We've faced worse, right?"

* * *

As the weeks passed, Rose's enervation became more marked, the episodes more powerful, depleting her strength and making it harder to hide her distress. Mickey insisted that she see a doctor, and she agreed reluctantly, though she refused to do it through Torchwood. Despite working there now, trust was still slow in coming, and she wanted to keep her "affliction" out of the public eye as much as she could. Many of the other employees had started to warm to her, which she enjoyed, but it meant she'd had to downplay moments when the fatigue would come upon her suddenly.

When the doctor she'd seen tried to tell her that it was all mental and that she should see a psychologist for depression, Mickey had been furious. He was so endearingly protective of her, calling to check on her often during the day and sometimes staying for awhile to visit when he dropped her off. In fact, it had taken quite a lot of effort for Rose to convince Jackie that they weren't "together" again.

Rose drew strength from his friendship and support, glad that she didn't have to burden her mum and yet slightly ashamed that she was hiding something, even something unknown, from her. But Jackie was happier than Rose had ever seen her, totally in love with Pete and the child that was on the way, and she would not intrude upon that.

* * *

After her heart had stopped racing and power was restored to her limbs, Rose dialed Mickey's number, feeling only slightly guilty about waking him - she knew he'd understand. Jackie and Pete, quietly wiping the sleep from their eyes when they saw the earnest entreaty on their daughter's face, followed Rose into the study.

In front of a cozy fire, she told them about her dream, and they believed her. Tears of gratitude pooled in her eyes as she poured her heart out to the amazing people seated before her. They didn't barrage her with questions or doubts; they simply listened and believed and did what she asked of them. Whatever happened, Rose knew that these three people would always love her, enough that they would sacrifice having her with them so that she could be happy.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Just one more chapter after this one. I am still new to this, so any review love you could share would be very welcome!**_

* * *

They stepped out into the cool, quiet night, piling their hastily packed duffles into the back of Pete's jeep. Rose felt anticipation in the air, buoying her up. Silently she stared out the window as the dark landscape began rolling by, her mind focused inwards. All the research she and Mickey had done, the help they had sought, had left them with no answers. She felt so frustrated and frightened by the unexplainable affliction that had taken hold of her, and a part of her grasped desperately at the ray of hope still glimmering within her. Maybe, somehow, the Doctor had found a way. A way across the impossible distance that separated them.

However, beneath that sliver of hope, a calm, rational voice urged her insistently yet gently to face the truth. The truth that, if he had been able, he would have met her here - in parallel London, in the TARDIS, in person. Not left her chasing phantom voices hither and yon across the planet. Stubbornly, defiantly, Rose shut that voice out - she had to.

The miles seemed endless. Across the water, then back on the road, hardly stopping, a sense of urgency driving them onwards. Most of the time they were silent, either lost in thought or asleep. As she had become accustomed to at home, Rose played off her frequent bouts of fatigue fairly easily. Mickey's watchful gaze always marked them, though, and he would silently offer what support he could, drawing her close to him protectively.

Rose tried to draw upon his strength, but she felt guilty knowing that she would have to beg off driving. Though this whole impossible endeavor was for her, she was terrified of losing control at the wheel - it simply wasn't worth the risk. Up until now, Mickey had willingly given her a lift whenever she needed one. Now she would have to make some excuse - that she was too distracted or anxious, which while true, was not the whole truth. Such a bald-faced lie, when added to the more subtle charade she'd been maintaining, suddenly felt like too much.

She was so tired, drained by her mysterious malady and the stress of covering it up. And if there was even the remotest possibility that she might return with the Doctor to her home universe, she couldn't leave things with her mum this way. Because part of her knew that Jackie would stay, just as she knew that, if she could, she would travel with the Doctor forever. Her heart ached at the thought of losing her mum even as it thrilled at the idea of being with him again. _S'only a possibility,_ her mind whispered._ Just follow the voice for now, that's all. And confide in mum. She deserves it._

They made a brief stop in a small town in Denmark, allowing a moment to stretch cramped limbs and refuel. On her way out of the loo, Rose just had time to register the sensation of sudden, overwhelming weariness as it crashed mercilessly upon her. She stumbled weakly into the side of the building. The rough bricks caught at her side, scratching her through her jumper but helping to slow her fall.

_Breathe,_ she reminded herself, reciting the mantra that helped keep her sane. _In, out. You are Rose Tyler. You've faced death countless times, witnessed the end of the earth. You've traveled with the Doctor and saved worlds. You have a family here who loves you, and somewhere out there, the mad alien you love is still alive because of you. You are a survivor. Now keep it together. _Her head pounded and the strange blaze swept through her. She refused to surrender to her fury and fear, knowing that if she allowed them to take over they would destroy her. Though her body might eventually fall, her mind and heart were still her own, and she would fight until the end.

Moments later, by sheer force of will, Rose gathered herself enough to stand, though she still rested lightly against the wall for support. She glanced quickly about, relieved to see that no one had witnessed the sudden attack. Her renewed determination kept the frustrated tears behind her eyes at bay. With practiced casualness, she made her way to one of the tables inside the little store. In reality she fought for each step.

She let herself down into the chair with a sigh of relief, closing her eyes. The familiar questions assaulted her. _What was happening to her, and why_? She shied away from thinking of how it might end. She missed her brilliant Doctor more than ever - as if it were possible to miss him any more than she already did. _If anyone could help her, he could._

A familiar squeeze of her hand caused her to look up. Jackie sat across from her, oddly quiet. Rose attempted a small smile and was surprised by the tears that abruptly gathered in her mum's eyes.

"Don't you know - you can't pretend to me, sweetheart." Jackie's voice quivered the way it always did when she was overcome by emotion, and Rose was awash with guilt and fear, dreading her next words. "You think I don't _see_? Your own mum? What are you hidin', Rose?"

Her knowing, hurt eyes pricked Rose's heart. What had she been thinking? No matter what else was going on in her life, this was her _mum_.

Rose's vision blurred as the words she'd been keeping in check poured out. "I'm so sorry, mum. I know I haven't been easy to live with. I just want so much for you to be happy." She grasped Jackie's hands tightly in her own. "And I didn't want to admit it to myself, either, not for awhile, but... somethin's wrong with me."

Pete and Mickey had hung back at first, sensing that the women needed some time to talk. Now they brought over the snacks they had purchased and joined the conversation. Rose proceeded to describe what she'd been experiencing as best she could. While they looked very worried, her parents did not seem overly shocked. For some time Jackie had been suspicious that something strange was going on, though she had been confused as to what it was and why Rose was hiding it from her. She had observed in silence, finding some comfort in Mickey's attentive care of her, knowing that at least Rose wasn't facing it alone. She had been on the verge of confronting Rose for several days before they'd embarked on this strange journey.

Tears, apologies, and hugs followed, though soon they all agreed that they needed to press on. Rose's heart felt lighter than it had in months. There was no question of Rose's driving. With Pete behind the wheel, they set off again, Rose curled up like a little girl in her mother's protective arms.

* * *

The Doctor leaned heavily against the console. All was ready. The TARDIS' course was set, orbiting a supernova, channeling the power that would send a signal across the Void.

One last goodbye.

He felt his ship's sadness, though he was once again startled by the complexity of emotion behind it. The loss was devastating to both of them. Ever since Canary Wharf his TARDIS had been acting strangely. He'd noticed some odd power fluctuations, probably a result of the trauma of that day's events, but it would wait. After this, he felt sure that he wouldn't want to do much of anything for awhile; he'd have plenty of time to sort it out then.

First he had to face this. Face _her_. He had endured so much in almost a millennium of living - war and betrayal and death, so much death. _At least he didn't have to watch her die_, he thought. Yet even as he cringed at the notion, he knew that the reality before him felt no less bleak, his hearts no less broken.

He had to be strong for her one last time. Surely he could mask the fact that his hearts were breaking; he had perfected that mask so well. He had hidden behind it, feigning indifference, trying to protect them both. Ironic, that.

Now he was left wondering if she even knew, and just the possibility that she didn't tore him apart. He knew she loved him, had known for quite some time. At the last, perhaps when he needed them most, he felt the last of his defenses dissolve into the air. He couldn't pretend anymore. Not with her.

She would know, in this last precious moment together, before she was ripped from his grasp forever - she would finally know how much he loved her. His precious girl. And he would treasure the smile that would blossom across her face one final time. A smile filled with joy and sadness, that could light the night sky with its brilliance.

And then... well.

Then he would carry on, same as always... except not. Rules broken, hearts shattered, hope lost. Broken once more, but without his Rose to heal him and make him whole.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Note: This chapter was a bear, and demanded more room, so there is one more to come. If you're still with me and have enjoyed this at all, please leave me a review! Nope, I don't own it. All recognizable dialogue comes from the Doomsday episode. Unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.**_

* * *

A biting wind greeted Rose as she stepped out onto the beach, her blonde hair whipping into her face. She fought back the hopelessness that tried to settle in her stomach. This was it - she could feel it. A bare expanse of sand and rock and sea. No brilliant, beautiful blue box or smiling, skinny alien waiting for her. Between the bitter cold and the bleak gray emptiness before her, Rose felt that last little flame of hope inside her flicker and go out.

She could tell that the others felt it, too. The earlier silence in the car had been supplanted by earnest conversation as they tried to consider every possibility. They made an effort to remain calm and objective, but they all were a bit emotional, particularly Jackie and Rose. Each knew that what they truly wanted would bring heartache to the other. They held onto each other tightly, afraid to let go. While Jackie was surprisingly happy and complete here, she knew in her heart that Rose's greatest happiness would mean returning to her Doctor and the life they had shared.

They all recognized that he was probably Rose's best chance, too, their best hope for some answers as to what was afflicting her and how they could fight it. And so, with a desperate, sacrificial love they had all hoped - against all odds, as humans tend to do for those they love. A collective hope that shattered silently as they stood on a desolate beach in Norway.

Wordlessly they wandered along the shore. Mickey had an arm wrapped gently around Rose's waist, while Jackie gripped her other hand almost painfully. Slowly Rose came to a standstill. Jackie and Mickey released her, letting her continue the last few feet alone, knowing that however this reunion played out, this moment would mean a lot to both the Doctor and Rose.

Pete drew Jackie into his embrace, their eyes fixed upon Rose. Mickey stood nearby, resolute and alert, ready to be at her side in an instant. All four of them just waiting... and watching.

Though Rose had heard him in her mind and knew this was the right place, he wasn't here. Yet despite the heaviness in her heart, Rose was determined. If this was all they had, one last moment, she would not waste it. Her hope now was just to see him once more. One last bittersweet memory to tuck away and keep her strong, to keep her fighting.

And she would tell him. She would _always _love him. Regardless of whether he felt the same, he cared for her deeply - needed her. The sudden, cruel nature of their separation had almost crushed her. She knew that the Doctor had lost others before. Yet losing her would still bring him pain and probably guilt as well (however unwarranted), and she would do whatever she could to alleviate that pain. The thought of him alone and suffering struck a blow to her heart. She had promised him forever... at least _her_ forever. Now she couldn't even give him that. But she would give him the memory of her love to carry with him.

The ocean quietly lapping the shore was the only sound in the empty stillness.

And then he was there, appearing silently before her. Rose's heart caught in her throat at the achingly familiar sight of him, all rumpled hair and brown pinstripes and sad, yet beautiful eyes. Love swelled up, commingling with despair. It was all wrong. She could see _through_ him, that hateful beach stretching on into the distance, and she could feel the emptiness and the silence where the TARDIS should be.

For a moment they just stared at each other, too overcome to speak. "Where are you?" Rose asked, breaking the silence. _Not here, not here, not here... _

"Inside the TARDIS. There was one tiny little gap in the universe left, just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection." Ah, that explained it. "I'm in orbit around a supernova. Burning up a sun just to say goodbye." The Doctor smiled slightly, and Rose knew what it cost him. Her already broken heart felt like it was splintering at that last word.

"You look like a ghost," Rose managed to say, the words sticking in her throat.

"Hold on." He made an adjustment with the sonic, aiming it at something she couldn't see. He seemed to solidify before her, the sadness in his face now even more evident.

Rose closed the distance between them, unable to stop herself, _needing_ to touch him. "Can I to-...?" she started, raising a hand to that dear face, her voice faltering. She knew the answer.

"I'm still just an image - no touch." She heard the soft regret in his voice, could see the longing in his eyes, and her heart felt strangely comforted. He missed her, too.

"Can't you come through properly?" she asked. If she was being honest with herself, she had known from the beginning, when she'd first heard him calling her. He couldn't.

"The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse," he said sadly. Her wonderful Time Lord - so many millions of lives he saved and protected, unknowingly dependent on him. Yet for her he had tried, exhausting himself; she could see the weariness and regret in his eyes. It reminded her of Downing Street, the tenderness and heartache that had shone in his stormy blue eyes. _ I could save the world but lose you._

"So?" she quipped lightly, trying for a teasing smile but not quite making it. Still he smiled back, and it's so very _them_, though slightly strained. It will never be _them_ again.

Rose broke away from his gaze, eyes flitting down and then out to the sea to hide her despair before meeting his again, hungrily taking in every detail - his wild hair, longer than she remembered, the slight curve of his smile, the freckles sprinkled across his nose and cheeks, the tender love and warmth in his face as he regarded her. She allowed herself to bask in his gaze for a moment before he looked up with mild curiosity.

"Where are we? Where did the gap come out?" he asked.

"We're in Norway," she replied, knowing that neither of them really cared; they were just words to fill the space, the ones that really mattered remaining unsaid.

"Norway. Right."

"About fifty miles outta Bergen. 'S called Darlig Ulv Stranden," she elaborated, watching his face, knowing that the translation would surprise him.

He glance at her in alarm, scanning the beach quickly. "_Dalek_?" He was suddenly acutely aware of the concern and anxiety emanating from Mickey and her parents, though their focus was solely upon Rose. _So, no outward threat_, he thought, though he was left feeling vaguely unsettled.

Okay, she hadn't anticipated that response. "_Darlig_," she enunciated, knowing she was probably botching the pronunciation anyway. "'S Norwegian for bad. This translates to Bad Wolf Bay." Rose smiled up at him wryly, remembering the cryptic words that had led her back to him. Her memories of Bad Wolf were clouded, so she was unaware of the even greater import those words carried for him. He laughed, and even though it was half-hearted, the sound still spread through her mind like a healing balm.

She knew this couldn't last, however, and tears filled her eyes as her brave facade crumbled. "How long have you got?" She hated the way her voice trembled, wanting so badly to be strong for him.

"'Bout two minutes." Two minutes. All that they'd been through, all they mean to each other, all she'd been willing to give him - her heart, her forever, her everything - cut mercilessly short. Two minutes.

She pushed her wind-whipped hair back from her face, laughing at the impossibility of it all, the laughter almost painful as it escaped. "I can't think of what to say." She can, but the words won't come.

The Doctor laughed with her, and his smile was wistful. He looked down at his trainers, hiding his eyes almost shyly. For a moment Rose felt like a teenager again, caught in the awkward sweetness of the moment.

He looked up again, motioning to the group behind her. "You've still got Mister Mickey, then?" He took in Mickey's protective stance, the concern and sympathy in his eyes.

"Well, there's five of us now - Mum, Dad, Mickey... and the baby," she replied, wanting to share the brightest spot in her life now - the anticipation of being a big sister.

A strange look crossed his face, somewhere between joy and longing. "You're not...?" he questioned softly, the tenderness in his voice making her insides flutter.

"No," she laughed, dismissing the odd moment, at least temporarily. "It's mum." He laughed with her, seeming slightly embarrassed at the conclusion he'd jumped to. Surely she was imagining the hint of relief she'd heard in his laughter. "She's three months gone... more Tylers on the way."

"And what about you?" he asked, studying her intently, the way he always had, like he could see straight through to her soul. And she wanted so badly to confide in him, her best mate, but there wasn't enough time. She wouldn't burden him with more worry when there was nothing he could do to help.

"Yeah, I'm back workin' in the shop," she lied, deflecting his perusal.

He nodded, surprising her with his casual acceptance of her reply. "Oh, good for you."

No way was he getting away with that. "Shut up. No, I'm not. See, the Torchwood on this planet's open for business. Think I know a thing or two about aliens," she bantered, aching to see him smile again.

"Rose Tyler... Defender of the Earth." He beamed, his proud smile the last thing she registered as the world tilted and went black.

* * *

The Doctor felt frozen, watching in horror as his brilliant, beautiful Rose suddenly collapsed onto the beach. Mickey, Jackie, and Pete rushed to her side, Mickey propping her up and feeling for her pulse. In a helpless stupor the Doctor fell to his knees, heedless of the bite of metal beneath him, a silent cry of desperation and panic on his lips. His eyes were riveted to the pale face of the woman he loved, her stillness stopping his hearts. Feeling the weight of Jackie's stare he looked up reluctantly, tearing his eyes away from Rose. The fear and pleading in her eyes shook him; there was no surprise there, only worry. Jackie Tyler, brave, brash, indomitable Jackie Tyler, was terrified for her daughter. "Please, Doctor... help her. _Please_," she whispered, her words cutting him like knives, letting the fear seep into his soul.

For a moment he thought there was an earthquake before he realized it was him. He was shaking. His Rose lay there, motionless, suffering from something that put fear in Jackie Tyler's eyes, and he could do _nothing_. Mere inches between them, yet they were insurmountable. How could they look to him for answers, for help? He, who had no idea what was happening. She was supposed to be safe here, not happy yet, perhaps, but healthy, loved, living the fantastic life she deserved. The adventure that he could never have, yet a part of him longed for. _Safe_.

Reason fled, replaced by a cold fury. He felt the storm growing within him and struggled to contain it, knowing that he had no outlet, except perhaps to rage at the universes. Before the others could witness the change in him, he felt his awareness suddenly yanked back into the TARDIS.

"No, no, no, no, NO!" he roared, pulling frantically at his hair and dashing madly about the console, his distraught voice echoing through his silent ship.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Final chapter! Thanks to all of you who stuck with me through this little "what if" that just kept growing. I hope you've enjoyed it, and as always I welcome any comments/thoughts. :) Nope, I don't own Doctor Who.**_

* * *

Rose was unconscious, cradled in Mickey's arms. Tears ran down Jackie's face as she smoothed Rose's hair back, her hands trembling. She had never been so afraid. Rose's affliction was slowly sapping more and more of her strength, pulling her away from them. Jackie had started to fear that one time she just wouldn't recover. In her desperation logic fled, and she had pleaded with the Doctor, even knowing that there was nothing he could do. That daft alien had always somehow saved the day, and she knew that he loved her daughter. Mired in her own grief and fear, she caught just a glimpse of his face - of the flash of pain, of the storm rising in those ancient eyes - and then he was gone. Jackie's heart went cold inside her.

Suddenly Mickey cried out, reeling back in shock. He gently yet hastily released Rose as he retreated. "Get back! Pete!" Mickey caught Pete's eye, and together they pried a furious Jackie away from her daughter as a blinding, golden light began to flow out from and then envelop Rose. Jackie screamed out in terror, calling Rose's name. Mickey saw Pete's eyes grow wide with fear and concern like his own, and he fought to hold his ground, wanting desperately to help his friend. But something inside him had warned him away, and Mickey had listened.

Tears streaming down her face, Jackie thrashed wildly against the arms that restrained her, concerned only for her little girl, her Rose. A moment later she stilled. In the back of her mind she heard Rose's voice, though it sounded a little off, almost echoing. _"It's okay, mum. I'm going home. I'll be fine there - I won't be sick anymore. He needs me, and I need him. Please forgive me. Tell my baby brother that I love him. I love you so much mum - I always will."_ Through her tears she looked at Mickey and Pete, and both nodded, their eyes noticeably damp. They'd heard her, too. Jackie fell into Pete's arms, sobbing uncontrollably with both loss and relief. Pete clasped a hand on Mickey's shoulder, and the three of them stood there together, comforting each other as the unearthly glow faded.

Rose was gone.

* * *

"I still had time! Why did you bring me back? Rose _needs_ me!" The Doctor slammed viciously at the controls, his scathing curses filling the control room as he tried in vain to reestablish the connection to Pete's world. The TARDIS ignored him, making no reply except to dim her lights even further. Beneath the Doctor's raging, the ship was eerily silent. Had he been paying attention, he might have felt the focused intensity behind her silence, but he was too overwhelmed by the emotions roiling within him, aware only that his ship seemed to have abandoned him (and Rose) in his need.

The Doctor recognized the dangerous turn his mind had taken - "that way madness lies" - but he could no more control it than he could control what he had just witnessed on that beach. The universe had seen fit to rip him and Rose apart cruelly, but that wasn't enough. Oh, no. One last glimpse, one last memory, and he had watched as the only remaining dream he had for her crumbled. His precious girl was ill, possibly worse, and he could do _nothing_. He would never even know. Couldn't get back. Couldn't move forward. His mind started to spiral downward into darkness. His hands crashed to the floor as his body buckled, anguished, terrible cries tearing through his soul and rending the silence.

The seconds ticked by painfully, each lasting an eternity, pain and loss and powerlessness reverberating through his vast Time Lord mind. At the edges of his awareness a song seeped through, softly at first then building as the TARDIS broke her silent vigil. It was _her_ song, Rose's song, that had become so familiar since they had lost her, full of love and loss and heartache. Only now the tune had changed ever-so-slightly - still hers, and yet somehow even more so, for now it rang with the life and love and hope that was Rose, swelling jubilantly around him. _**Believe**_. One word carried through to his grief-stricken mind, over and over.

He spun around in confusion and despair. Why was his ship tormenting him like this? Rose was lost to him, perhaps lost forever. _**In what? **_he threw back. What was there left to believe in? Perhaps his lovely Time ship was descending into madness with him. Thoughtful of her.

_**In her.**_ His heart felt a stab of impossible hope at the memory of his own words, thrown defiantly at the beast in that awful pit. _If I believe in one thing, just one thing - I believe in her. _A sudden burst of golden light filled the room, almost blinding him with its brilliance as the song crescendoed in triumph. Gradually the light began to fade, and the TARDIS' song subsided into a more subdued yet immensely happy thrum.

And there before him, mere feet away, lay the impossible. _Rose_.

Tears streaked silently down his face as he gaped at the vision before him. If this was madness, he would take it. Her skin still glowed faintly golden. The Doctor watched in fascination and fear as his ship absorbed the swirling energy that had surrounded her. With relief he noted the rise and fall of Rose's chest and he gasped, having temporarily forgotten to breathe himself.

With one swift move he was beside her, pulling her up into his embrace. He was drowning in her, fighting for breath, eyes clouded by tears. He ran his hand lovingly through her hair, cradling her head to his chest, treasuring the soft warm weight of her in his arms, the strong steady pulse of her heart against his. Rassilon, he loved her, and somehow she was here. His impossible little human. A choked sound of relief, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, escaped his throat as he clung to her.

He felt a flutter of movement against his chest as his warm little human nestled even closer to him, and he pulled back abruptly in surprise. Her eyes immediately sought his, hazel eyes meeting brown, their lovely depths bursting with love and joy, yet with a trace of hurt and uncertainty at his retreat. Completely undone, the Doctor chased away any doubt as his lips crashed against hers. Rose returned the kiss eagerly, a glorious dance of lips and tongues and teeth, nibbling and tasting and caressing. Her hands wound blissfully through his already-mussed hair, both sighing at the contact. Gently he pulled back, peppering small kisses across her cheeks, her eyelids, the tip of her nose.

She opened her eyes again, tears pooling there as she looked at him in wonder and delight. She was really, truly here, with him. One cool hand sought her face, gently brushing away the tears that escaped.

"How?" he rasped, his voice rough with emotion.

"Bad Wolf," she whispered reverently. She told him about her strange episodes, watching as fear then anger crossed his lovely face. Rose shivered. Her hand stroked his cheek, bringing him back to the present, to her. He sighed deeply, then turned to press a kiss into her palm, surprising her. She smiled up at him, biting her lip, trying to explain without upsetting him further.

"It was like I didn't belong there. I ached with missing you, but I was really trying to make a life for myself. But that last time, on the beach, it all became so clear. I _remembered_. I could feel her. A little bit of Bad Wolf, of the Time Vortex, still inside me. And being separated from it, from my connection with the TARDIS, well... my body wasn't handling it very well." Pain and fear flashed in his eyes again as his mind followed that scenario through to its probable outcome. Once the gaps had all been sealed, she would have been cut off completely, would have... He shuddered.

Rose wound her fingers through his, and the Doctor calmed visibly at her touch. It felt so right. She was home. "The TARDIS saved me - that tingling, it had felt so strange and yet so familiar. That was you, wasn't it?" she asked, laying a loving hand against the console. The ship hummed happily beneath her hand, sending her the equivalent of a mental hug. Rose smiled, her eyes once more filling with tears. "Thank you - for helping me, for bringing me back, for letting me say goodbye."

"Ohhh, the song... she was trying to strengthen you through your connection... reaching for you." The pieces clicked together rapidly in his brain - the odd power fluctuations, the hope and desperation he'd heard in the TARDIS' song, the golden energy of the Vortex. "Oh, you wonderful, beautiful, _brilliant_ ship, you. And, about earlier... I'm so sorry," he stammered, rubbing the back of his neck absently. The lights flickered softly in response; she knew.

Suddenly Rose pinned him with her gaze, eyes flashing knowingly. "That's not all I remembered," she said softly, her eyes dark and possessive. He felt thrilled and terrified all at once. "So long ago... when I was Bad Wolf, you kissed me."

"I saved your life - I died to save you," he said defensively, his voice squeaking slightly.

She flinched slightly at that, but wouldn't give up. "Why?" she questioned, her eyes never leaving his, bold yet vulnerable at the same time.

The Doctor took a deep breath. He remembered the regret, the heartache, the devastation he'd felt since he lost her. He'd been given a second chance. "Because, Rose Tyler... I love you. I had to save you, and since I had to go, weelll... it was a dying man's last wish, finally getting to kiss the woman he had secretly loved for so long. Best regeneration ever - dying for love. Quite romantic, really," he declared with a flirtatious grin. His eyes, however, spoke of something deeper, smoldering with an intensity that made her breath hitch.

She pulled him closer in response, wrapping her arms around his neck as her eyes locked with his. "I love you too, _my Doctor_." She pressed her lips softly against his, claiming him. Returning her kiss, the Doctor proceeded to trail soft kisses along her jaw to her ear, the skin tingling in their wake, before he continued down her neck.

Rose started to tremble, and had just begun to pull him back up to her hungry lips when they heard a startled exclamation from the other side of the console. "Oh!"

The Doctor sprang up, looking adorably flustered and confused, pulling Rose up behind him. They gaped open-mouthed at the belligerent redhead who had materialized before them, decked out in full bridal attire. "_What_?!" he exclaimed.

"Who are you?" the woman demanded.

"But..."

"Where am I?"

"What?"

"What the hell is this place?"

"_What?_"

* * *

Oh, Rose had missed this - the craziness, the rush of adrenaline, the running, the _flirting_... except now there was no more doubt. The Doctor _loved_ her. They had stolen brief moments, in the midst of fighting off robot Santas and draining the Thames - moments when their eyes would meet and time would stop, their faces radiant with joy, hardly able to believe that they were both here, together again. They had shared a lovely dance and a glorious snog at Donna's "reception." They never strayed too far from each other, almost always touching somehow, earning many eye rolls from Donna. Not that they noticed. Honestly, it was like traveling with a couple of love-struck teenagers.

Rose reveled in the newfound intimacy of the Doctor's affections - the way he would gently run his thumb across her knuckles when they held hands, how he would casually wrap his arm around her waist and pull her against him, pressing kisses into her hair. Though she was slightly concerned by how fiercely protective of her he was, reminding her of his previous incarnation. They would have to discuss that at some point, because while their relationship had changed, the nature of this life hadn't. It had always been hard, and it would be even more trying now to see each other in danger. They would adapt, though, because they had to. They were a team again, Shiver and Shake, and the universe depended on them.

Rose and Donna had gotten along smashingly, at least after Donna's initial shock and indignation had worn off. Rose secretly delighted in watching Donna take the Doctor to task, and hoped that one day she could convince her to reconsider traveling with them. _Might be nice, having another friend on board_, she thought, though for now she was more than content for it to be just the Doctor and Rose Tyler again - in the TARDIS, the way it should be.

* * *

"You're stuck with me now, you know," Rose teased, grinning down at him. The smell of applegrass drifted on the breeze, the sun bathing them in warmth as they relaxed on the Doctor's outspread coat.

The Doctor still wasn't sure how Rose had managed to return unharmed, even with the TARDIS' help, and he was keeping a watchful eye on the subtle changes he'd noticed in her. She was sleeping less, which for his sleepy little human was significant in itself. She had managed to catch him during an impromptu game of tag in the TARDIS (and had pinned him easily, too, though he had quite enjoyed _that_). And the test results he'd gathered from her had been puzzling, to say the least. Although still mostly human, Rose's biology appeared to be changing, _adapting_; he knew that Bad Wolf was responsible, and wasn't sure whether that should inspire fear or hope, or perhaps both. But Rose claimed that she felt better than ever, and for once he refused to let worry consume him. He had gotten her back, and, at least for the moment, the universes were being kind.

He grinned back at her, reaching over to brush a strand of hair from her radiant face. His hearts felt lighter than they had in centuries. "Stuck with you, Rose Tyler, well that's... quite perfect, I think," he replied. And he meant it.


End file.
